It's hard to believe that I've been a Mom for 7 years already. The time seems to pass too slowly at times and too fast during others. When you were an infant, I was overprotective of you, cherished you, spent a lot of time staring at you and holding you... this beautiful but dependent little being that I helped create. I fumbled through a lot of things not being fully prepared for the changes you would bring to my life. I vowed to do some things different "the next time around". And, oddly enough, when given the chance to do it all again, much of it looked the same. As much as I disliked my disturbed nighttime sleep, I wasn't able to give up falling asleep beside you every night. Daddy was the one who finally separated us... you were, after all, almost 3 years old.
Sometimes I look at you and see someone more mature, more grown up than I remembered from yesterday. It reminds me that the time is passing and I need to capture what I can in pictures or words before you go changing on me again. You say things like "I. Don't. Care.", just like that with the punctuation and everything and I wonder if you might already be a teenager. Or, like yesterday, you picked out a pair of jeans that you normally wouldn't wear because they
don't look good aren't cool enough. Since we were just hanging around the house, it didn't bother you to wear them, but we'll never see you don that pair for school. When talking about your day at school, you will declare that "the best thing happened to you today" when a friend chooses to play with
you at recess instead of the friend she usually plays with. The cliques are already forming in first grade. As much as you want to be part of them, you don't like leaving anyone out. I think you are really torn by this social anomaly. Always aware of other's feelings you are, because you yourself are so sensitive. Emotionally, I would love to toughen you up a bit.
Today was the first day back from Thanksgiving break and we walked into school together. I felt especially close to you, as the snow packed road muffled the sound of moving cars and students hurriedly walking to class. In the peacefulness, my mind drifted to our hands... yours in mine. Our gloves thick enough to keep our hands warm, yet thin enough that I could feel the exact shape of your hand in mine. You didn't want me to leave you at the sidewalk... instead you insisted that I walk the full distance back to your class line. My warnings of the icy sidewalks struck up a little fear in you, and you didn't want to be left to tackle it alone. You held my hand securely knowing that if you slipped, I would be there to catch your fall. And, indeed I was ready. Always and forever, I want to be the one to catch your fall... no matter how big you get or how independent you become. I'll be there for you. Your kid, adolescent and adult hugs and kisses will always be welcome with me. I love you with all my heart little girl!!
